The art of the cold shower

After a visit from the neighborhood plumber, it seems that the unpaid bill was not the cause of our hot water loss. Though the bill did go unpaid, the hot water heater kicked the bucket on its own volition.

I’ve gone without hot water for longer than this (during February, no less), but this was before I had appointments to keep. As I try to negotiate a level of involvement in sex work that feels comfortable for both me and my partner, I haven’t taken any new clients. This is fine for now, as I’ve been floating by on a substantial donation from one particularly generous individual (see: I am not a “real” escort, just a crafty sugar baby).

Peter (the generous individual) hasn’t come around for some time. Our relationship was becoming a bit muddled for him, and he was experiencing conflict over his decision to “buy” my time. After some erectile difficulties during our last encounter, he stopped contacting me. I figured guilt had got the best of him, and I was sad to see him go.

Last week, he contacted me to say that he’d be in the area this weekend. I said that I’d be delighted to get together, and we set a date.

As I rinsed off in the tub this morning, I thought: “Shit.”

According to the plumber, it could take another week before the parts come in for our water heater. In the meantime, I am a greasy, hairy mess. The water is too cold to spend more than a minute under the faucet. I’ve developed a system that allows me to stay marginally hygienic, but it’s not a system that leaves room for deep cleansing or leg shaving. It works something like this: I climb into the bath and squat under the faucet. I splash myself with freezing water and rinse my hair. I back away from the faucet, do the shampoo and soap thing, and jump back under the faucet to rinse. I turned on the shower head this morning to see how long I could stand being submerged in frigid spray. After thirty seconds, I involuntarily pissed myself.

I might be able to solicit a warm shower from a friend. If not, dear Peter will experience the unexpected delight of Bettina au Natural.