Fucking. Freelance. Failure. (Part 2)

Edit: For better readability, I have separated yesterday's post into a Pt1 and Pt2. Part 2 is below:

I opened up to one of my roommates last week, because the type of work I was considering was something I felt comfortable sharing with a limited number of people. After a few jokes and a round of drinks, I left to take care of business. The appointment went well enough, but I left feeling anxious and uncertain. When I mentioned that I might not be able to handle my phone ringing off the hook, my roommate responded: "Dude, suck it up. It's called 'going freelance.'"

My roommate does freelance web design. He wakes up at 9, watches youtube until 11, works for a few hours, eats, and changes out of his pajamas once every three days. When his boss calls to request something, this request is being channeled second-hand. His boss is not actually requesting Joe, but requesting a better color scheme or a different line of code. Joe can draft something up and send it on its way while he's jacking off to internet porn in his Donald Duck slippers.

I looked at my roommate, with his onion armpits and tattered bathrobe, and I remembered the reason for my silence. I closed my door, slipped out of my heels, and washed away my golden eyeshadow.

I'm toeing a line right now, wondering how I fit into the puzzle. Do I fill the role of sex worker...activist...advocate? All of the above? Am I the type of person who can actually maintain (as Emilie Dice so aptly described) a perpetually compartmentalized existence? I'm not sure, but I do think I need to take a step back. I am a solitary, introverted person. I like my privacy and I keep to myself. I am willing to give most anything a try. I learn what feels right and what doesn't.

I know that my desire to reevaluate my choices *before* moving forward is not a sign of failure, but a sign of careful (and necessary) introspection. I know that my roommate, who has a penis and limited knowledge of gender discourse, does not have the capacity to understand the difference between "freelance" and "freelance fucking."

When I wake up tomorrow, I will ask myself how I feel about my place in the world. If I am making the decisions that are right for me at this point in my life, then I should be pleased with my answer. This is what matters.