The terms and conditions of lovin'

Last month, I posted Part 1 of a polyamory-related entry and never followed up with Part 2. For a brief recap, Part 1 concerns a young man who somehow wooed me with his brazen, relentless eye contact (note: I am easily wooed). Part 2 will detail my problematic response to this young man's advances (note: I am a huge shitbag). Before delving into Part 2, I'll backtrack by first shedding a bit of light on my primary relationship.

Long before my sidekick and I became romantically involved, we were close adolescent friends. We met at the onset of pubescence and spent the next five years lashing out in our respective melancholic ways. He went the drugs and apathy route, I went the sharp objects and abusive relationships route; not sure which one of us came out on top. Our connection ran deep, but there was something standing between us that would keep us apart for many years. That "something" was a mutual friend who envied our connection; a person who wanted me only for himself, and would do anything in his power to guarantee my humiliation and submission. Fortunately, this story isn't about him; that one will have to wait.

By the time Sidekick and I reconnected, I had changed a great deal. In his absence, I had learned to speak up for myself. I was stronger, but this newfound sense of self was not without stipulations. Before sealing the deal on our relationship, my partner had to agree to two things:

1. Someday, I would don a strap-on and ask if I could fuck his ass. When that day arrived, he would have to say yes.
2. I would love him endlessly and completely, but I could not promise him monogamy.

He agreed to these terms and conditions the way a hypnotized chain smoker agrees to shun nicotine: endlessly and completely. I knew that we'd have a hard row to hoe, but we agreed to pluck the weeds from the ol' Garden of Love as they sprouted. I imagine there are quite a few couples who lay out the terms of their relationship up front (and set these terms in stone). While I'm sure this is convenient and practical for many, this sort of arbitrary delegation doesn't sit well with best friends who become lovers, especially when you throw terms like "sex work" and "open relationship" into the mix.

There are innumerable benefits to navigating the "rules" of a relationship as they apply. There are also drawbacks. Tomorrow, I'll delve into the drawbacks...