I do not fear childbirth

I am not afraid of childbirth...I just don't plan on ever having children. I am not afraid of my belly swelling with an 8 pound, fatheaded alien. I am not afraid of not being a good enough role model or a competent provider. Whatever my mother found so endearing about her "biological destiny" to bear offspring, I have satisfied with a need to proliferate (nonhuman) creativity.

Will my name ever be known by millions? Probably not. I don't need to be Steinbeck to feel like I've made a difference.

What I do fear is abortion. I recently stopped taking oral birth control, and it's done nothing to alleviate my anxiety. I've always been slim, but I was tired of wondering whether every 5 pound loss or gain was a result of artificially-induced hormone fluctuations. I was tired of my inflated breasts and my periods that got longer on the pill. So I stopped taking it, started relying on condoms again, and went back to flipping out about acne and pregnancy.

Unfortunately, this becomes a lose-lose situation. When I'm on the pill, I feel like a doped up walrus. When I'm not taking the pill, every good fuck is tainted by thoughts of barely-there fetuses. Add to this the fact that I've developed a wonderful latex sensitivity, and as much as I love them, Avanti's sometimes...just...slip.

"I'm not worried about pregnancy," I always remind SK. "I'm just worried about abortion."

I can be rather flippant about these things, but I cannot be swayed on this issue. Do I think I would make a phenomenal mother? Yes. Do I want to give it a try? Absolutely not.

*I will not link the image because I stole it from a "Right to Life" website. Suckers.