Attack of the socially awkward virgin

Story time.

I'm helping a friend out with some production work for his independent film. On the first day of filming this weekend, I did my best to socialize with the cast and crew. I struck up a conversation (small talk) with one of the actors. I'd seen him around campus, but we'd never spoken before. I asked him about his thesis project, and as the law of small talk dictates, he asked about mine.

"I'm compiling a nonfiction anthology, I said. "Stories written by college sex workers."
"College sex workers?" he asked. "What, like prostitutes?"
"Well, yes, but not exclusively."

He pondered this for a moment.

"Are there many in this area?" he asked.
"More than you'd think."
"And these are people you have connections with?"
"I guess so. Why do you ask?"
"Well, I'm a virgin," he said. "I know the first time is going to be awkward. I'd rather just pay for it and get it over with. And the idea of doing it with someone in my age range..."

I balked at this. I've gotten better at separating my academic work from my personal experience, but this was unexpected. Part of me admired his candor, but I also felt vulnerable and defensive. I advocate decriminalization and better understanding, but I don't *advocate* this line of work. As biased as it may be, I am only interested in sex work from the perspective of the worker, not the John. I am not a referral service, and while I don't want people to assume that my academic interests stem from personal experience, I do expect people to approach the topic with a sort of tip-toeing sensitivity.

Maybe his response was bold but appropriate. I may just be in a place where I can't put enough emotional distance between theory and practice.